Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
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