Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
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