my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
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