Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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