i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
party gras won. party gras always wins.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
Randomize