Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
Randomize
