I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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