Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
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