On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
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