So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
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