Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Randomize
