I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
Randomize
