Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
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