You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
Randomize
