haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
