i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
I can feel your judgement through the phone
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize