people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
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