it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Randomize
