FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
Randomize
