i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
dude. I can hear the air.
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