i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
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