did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
Bring me that man meat
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
Randomize
