i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Randomize
