This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
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