Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
Randomize
