Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
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