Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
I should be sponsored by Trojan
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
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