wake up i wanna do it froggy style
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
Randomize
