Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Randomize
