The best revenge is premature balding
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
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