I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
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