I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Randomize
