I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
Randomize
