I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
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