so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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