Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Randomize
