to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Randomize
