My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
Randomize
