Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize