So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
Randomize
