It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
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