great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
Let the clothes fall where they may.
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
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