Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
I have aggressive nipples.
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
Randomize
