she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Randomize
