You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
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