And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
Randomize
