LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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