i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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