He had one of those small greek statue penises
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
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