i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
Randomize
