Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
Randomize
