he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
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