Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
Randomize
