I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
Randomize
