turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
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