I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Randomize