You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
Randomize
