My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
