I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
Randomize