I showed him my bush... on skype.
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
Randomize