im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
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