finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Randomize