he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
