They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
cat food counts as protein by the way
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
i've created a new STD.
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
Randomize
