Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
Randomize
