I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
Randomize
