Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
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