my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
