he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
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