I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
Four minutes until I can fart!
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
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