I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize
