I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
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