Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
He felt like a one man threesome
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
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