In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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