I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
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