There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
Randomize
