she smelled like a LAN party
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
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