dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
Randomize
