Help. Asians are flirting in front of me(773): They speak asian
Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
Randomize
