I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
Randomize