After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
