I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
