So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
Randomize
