apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
Randomize
