i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Randomize
