Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
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