that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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