juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
