I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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