Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
Randomize
