I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
Randomize
