Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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