Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
Randomize
